Getting Serious While Dating

Dear Edahn,

Why do girls get so serious so quickly while dating. I met a girl at a party and a few days later she always asked me if I'm serious about dating her. What the fuck? I haven't even gone out with you and you're already putting pressure on me? Any advice?

Some girls do it because they imagine all relationships are supposed to be intense and passionate. They say "are you serious?" expecting you to say "yes! I'm really into you and have been thinking about you" and everything is intense and on-track for them. These aren't good relationships because they lack intimacy, authenticity, and self-sufficiency. It's not that passion is necessarily bad, but it needs to come sparingly and AFTER the intimacy has developed to a healthy state. Otherwise you end up DEPENDING on the intensity (through professions of love or sex) to feel close. The relationship starts to feel empty and lonely. If you meet a girl like this, you can try using some humor, or point out what's going on and why you're uncomfortable, or just run for the hills.

Other girls just do it because they don't want to get used or waste their time. It's legitimate. I understand if you feel pressured by it because you want the early stages of a relationship to be light and friendly. The best solution is to just be honest and respectful and say "I can't give you any assurances, except to say that I'll do my best to be honest about the way I feel and won't use you." You're not committing yourself to anything and you're just being open and honest, as a friend would be. Don't get hung up on the conversation when it's over. Just let it go and move on to flirting and spending time together.