What is a soulmate?

My grandma on her wedding day, Romania, 1951.

Dear Edahn, 

How do you define soulmate?

If you think of your life as a journey from confusion to understanding and peace, then you can expect to meet all sorts of people. Some people will travel with you. Others will simply help steer you in the right direction. Others will get in your way and try to frustrate you until you figure out a way to disarm them.

I think you can make a legitimate argument that all these people are "soulmates."

The Companion -- The Companion is the person who travels the path with us. They're learning as we learn, deepening as we deepen, enjoying as we enjoy. They have a way of making us feel at ease, safe and secure. We feel intimate and close to them and are able to unleash our inner dorks with these people. This is the Imago Match.

The Mirror -- The Mirror is the person who shows you who you are without distortion. They show you where you're walking, where you're misstepping, and how to get back on track. They're wise and understand you deeply. Originally I thought the Mirror and the Companion were supposed to be the same person, like you were supposed to get all your nourishment from one source. I don't think that way anymore. The Mirror and Companion can exist separately. You can't take Mirrors in high doses because they're exhausting and draining. Like an intense therapy session, It's good now and then, but you wouldn't want to be in therapy 24/7. Good listeners *coughahemcough* can act as Mirrors for lots of people.

The Obstacle -- You might think the obstacle is the furthest person from a soulmate, but the Obstacle is actually integral in your spiritual path. The Obstacle is a lot like the Mirror, but in a more intense way. The Mirror shows you how to solve a problem, whereas the Obstacle forces you to solve it on your own. Obstacles are really nature's accidental guides. They force you to confront your values, summon your wisdom, and decide how you can best correct this situation. At first, when you're young, you meet an Obstacle and think "fuck this person, GTFO of my way, I'm trying to develop as a person here," but as you mature, you realize that that kind of abrasive approach, while appropriate in some situations like abuse, can actually hurt you. You're forced to investigate new avenues to resolve the problem and in so doing, grow tremendously.

Notice how you're not limited to one person. You can have lots of Companions, lots of Mirrors, and a shit-fucking-ton of Obstacles. The question, I think, is whether you'll recognize them. Who are your Mirrors? Who are your Obstacles? Who are your Companions? Hmmmmmmmm.

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