Why do guys back away when I say I love them?

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hi,

so i've been dating a man from the coast guard for a month. things were going well. until i told him i was in love with him and would like to be his gf. then he deleted me from his facebook and gchat!

he told me we were different and i wasn't his "type". although i will beg to differ that i'm no one's "type". haha, actually when i ignore men - or act like they don't matter much - this is when they seem to think i'm their "type". and this is when they i think i'm the hottest thing since [insert creative word here] or some bs.

so, in closing i told the coast guard that i have a problem over reacting, i get delusional (especially when i haven't eaten in 3 days), and emotional. and that i was sorry for being overly expressive. i guess the plan is to hang out in a month...? after things have cooled down... or is this lame? i seem to never learn my lesson - i'm too expressive. and i keep shooting myself in the foot.

happy times.

THEY THINK YOU'RE THE hottest thing since the last girl they thought that about. :)

It's natural for people to get excited about someone new, especially when they're really eager to be in a relationship. Their feelings kinda hijack their mind and they start thinking the person is just about perfect, or at least perfect for them, and they start getting clingy and say crazy ass shit like "I love you."

Take a second to reflect on your past relationships and you'll notice is that those feelings eventually fade. It might take a week, it might take a year, but when they do you realize you've basically been hallucinating. You realize that you've been more obsessed with your hopes and projections about who the person might be than who the person actually is. Suddenly you realize that this person does have flaws and isn't as perfect as you thought. You then decide if you want to stick it out or not. As far as I'm concerned, this is when the authentic relationship really begins. Or ends. Watch this scene from High Fidelity, because it illustrates what I'm saying perfectly and because Catherine Zeta Jones gets a much deserved pwning.

What's happening with you, I think, is that you're succumbing to that hallucination and confessing your feelings prematurely. That's a red flag for most guys because most guys don't like clinginess. Clinginess is interpreted as a sign of lacking value, since someone with plenty of value would have options and wouldn't be so eager to get into a relationship with us. It's like Woody Allen said: "I'd never belong to a club that would have me as a member." What we guys are looking for is balance. We want you to get close at the same time we start to get close, not before, not after. To us that says "I'm not desperate to get into a relationship, but I'm still interested in you. U WANT?"

I wouldn't suggest that you try and force yourself out of the hallucination (psychologists prefer the term positive illusion) because I think that's just a recipe for disaster. The hallucination is emotional and it just takes a while for those emotions to fade. What I would suggest, however, is that you keep this all in mind next time you want to confess your feelings. You can realize you're in the middle of one of these emotional trips and either laugh at it or just wait it out. You don't have to stop being nice or interested or even get the least bit uncomfortable. Just continue with getting to know the person and keep your feelings in perspective. When you sense the two of you are both getting closer, you can say something sweet like "I think I'm starting to hate you less."