You rack disciprine!

I can't seem to break old habits. I feel like it's destroying my soul yet I succumb to old habits within a blink of an eye. I don't understand why I choose to poison myself over and over again when I am aware that it's damaging my spirit and my health. I don't know whether I need to go to rehab or to just accept that its okay to lose control and get wasted sometimes. I am not a conventional alcoholic but I have been binge drinking since I was a teenager. Every time I go through huge changes in my life I regress and turn into that adolescent that I thought had grown up. The next day I always wake up wondering what happened. It's not an everyday thing or even a weekly thing but I feel like it shouldn't happen at all. It's self destructive. Why is it so hard to break old habits? Can you suggest a way to break old patterns of self abuse.

IF YOU'RE REGRESSING, IT'S because you're giving yourself permission to regress. No one indulges in their addictive habits without first giving themselves permission. I'd assume that you're using your life-transition as a license to drink. Maybe you're drinking so you don't have to deal with the confusion in your life.

I used to work with addicts (not suggesting you are one, though) and the toughest part is getting them to see that their behavior is ruining their chance at having a peaceful, satisfying life. You seem to have a few doubts about whether drinking is really bad for you or not, even though you call is self-destructive and abusive. Well, which is it? What role is alcohol playing in your life? Are you drinking to avoid the chaos, complexity and confusion in your life? If you are, then you need to cut that shit out, because if you don't you're going to end up more confused and more lost. It's like you're watching TV every time someone delivers a bill to you. Eventually your bills are going to keep piling up and things are going to become even more daunting.

Instead of drinking you could examine what's making your life complicated and how to start simplifying it. (A good place to start might be how you interpret the world and how psychological and spiritual jargon have infiltrated your perception of the world.) Keep in mind that some confusion is a natural part of life that you can never escape.

If you firmly believe drinking is preventing you from addressing things in your life that need to be addressed (or doing some other damage) than it's really a matter of discipline and being smart. Make a commitment not to drink for a year, throw out your alcohol, and forswear all bars for 6 months. Create a ceremony that has some personal meaning that marks your one-year commitment. And, keep it private. Don't tell people you've given up drinking and are making a big change in your life--don't give it away like that. Keep this to yourself. When you have an urge to drink, don't fuss over it and analyze it to death and talk about it. Just let it be and use it, instead, as an opportunity to ask "Where is there conflict or confusion in my life? How do I resolve it?"

All my bestest,

Edahn